Habit

Photo by Drew Rae on Pexels.com

As I sat meditating this morning, I was aware of a rage rising within me, so extreme was the anger that I started to tremble. I followed its path backwards and came to my supposed beginning, my birth. I saw this infant grow, the seed of rage growing into a sapling, then a plant with strong roots. A rage I had inherited from my parents, ancestors, a rage fuelled by society, people, deceit, artifice. A rage that had defined me, helped me stand when all felt lost, a rage that kept me going. Somewhere along the way something had changed within me. I couldn’t say when or how, I suppose I exhausted my rage, saw the futility. But the waves and after effects are still very much within me, I strove to forgive in my meditation today and found a resistance. I did not want to forgive, even though awareness flooded me, my habit energies stubbornly held on. I smile to you my rage, I hold you in my arms, tenderly, as I would hold a puppy, I comfort you. It is time for you to leave.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: