Keep Trying

My mother has been preparing my father’s meals for over 40 years now. This is but a small portion of what she does for him. In these 40 odd years I have never heard a single word of acknowledgement or appreciation. My mother says she does it so that her good karma spills onto her children, my brother and I, and blesses us. My teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh says understanding always lead to compassion. My father sees himself as a victim as almost all abusive people do. I do not feel compassion, I feel anger and contempt, even after all these years, before it was the disappointment of a daughter, now I feel it as a human being, observing another. I know the seed of him lies within me so understanding and forgiveness is important, but I have not watered that seed. This is a deep conflict, I want to truly forgive, with all my being, but I will not allow myself. I must keep trying.