Forgive Me

Today’s post is not easy for me to write. Growing up I never really received the typical love and affection from my grandparents. My father’s father died a couple of years before I was born, I did not like my grandmother. On my mom’s side, my grandfather was a quiet reasonable meditative man, I respected him but he was always preoccupied. My mother’s mother I did not like either. I grew up in a family with constant feuds, disruptive behaviour and negativity. I learnt to disconnect myself from it all, deny their existence. Today when I sat down to meditate, my mother’s mother came to me. I felt an intense rush of negativity. I tried to meditate, embrace her, love her, and a violent rage inside me came to surface. I was completely unaware of this. I tried again and again. Gradually it began to fade, I saw my grandmother with her gnarled fingers and thinning hair, I held her face in my hands and I said to her, I forgive you. A fourth of me is her, the very primeval human seed is within me, then what is there not to forgive, what is there not to love.

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