Coconut

Today was one of Those mornings. I woke up, and didn’t feel like running. Then Captain Kirk had decided to bless our home with pools of pee. After cleaning, I trudged wearily downstairs. Running is very very good for me, and more often than not, once I’ve shrugged off the initial lethargy, I feel much better. I came home, drenched with sweat, feeling pretty good and took the kids out to play. Then there were all these little things that had to be done. Accompanied by Coconut and Robbie-Bobbie (my strays) I went to get eggs, they got in everyone’s way and it was all quite charming. Mom had been irritated all morning. My mother gets very irritated by very many things. Over the years I have found that one of my biggest fails is my inability to detach myself from my mothers feelings. I prefer a world where I am sensitive and loving to other people, but where I can retain clarity and not get involved. Over the years I have gotten much better at this, with most people, but where my mother is concerned this skill is quite undeveloped. When she is upset, there is this assortment of awful feelings, I feel responsible, guilty, stressed, and not good at all. It has always been like this, and no sort of reasoning works. Meditation does, but sometimes, there’s just so much shit to do, there’s no time to sit down. And I absolutely hate feeling stressed, it robs me of all that time and experience, I’m just not there.

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