Clean

Went for a run this morning, it’s been many mornings since I’ve done that and I loved it. Have been feeling tired these last few weeks. The years of alcohol and inadequate eating have greatly weakened my body, and I am now feeling the effects of it. It will take time to reverse the changes, but reverse them I will, I do not like an unhealthy body, it irritates me. I have not been writing much, my experiences are becoming harder to describe. And I feel little desire to share, everything is a little bit quieter. I have a long day of work, but first I must clean out my study and room, filth and messiness have started to irk me again, as they used to when I was younger. I had a discipline in me, then, an obsessiveness, that was part mine, and part conditioned. Over the years I have gotten rid of the conditioned element, it will not drive me crazy now, but I would prefer a clean and tidy environment, and I like doing it myself, cleaning is a very meditative act, for me at least. Which raag should I listen to whilst I tidy…found it. Much love and peace and surrender.

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