Balance (…and again…)

As a musician, one of my hardest tasks is to stay motivated. Easy tasks bore me, I always pick something that is on the fringe, only just in my reach, which requires much concentration and energy and the learning is slow. I suppose in any job there is tedium, but my inability to play a passage, rather quickly passes into frustration and irritation. I grow inattentive of everything else, my life, the grace, the paying of attention, I am consumed by this task. And it’s not that it makes me practise more, it just occupies my mind and keeps nagging at me all day, preventing me from being where I am. This makes it even more tiring and another beautiful vicious cycle is set up. Balance. I have a headache. Two steps forward on step backward. Sometimes, I wish I was a dog instead.

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