Cause and Effect

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I have not been able to write much in the last few days. The reason being that I lack the clarity to use discrete objects like words to describe my present experiences. After some initial discoveries and removal of some obvious blocks I have tumbled into a space where I am entirely unsure. I have been meditating more everyday but there is an agitation of sorts. (More and more I view attachment as a byproduct rather than the central problem.) I have found two dependable tools to remove this turbulence, one is being here now. And the other is suspending judgement. Perhaps these are but two faces of the same thing. But for now I will think of these as separate. The latter I discovered this morning. I thought to myself, what a beautiful morning, the breeze, the sounds, I should feel blessed and content. Two blatant judgements jump out of that. (You must forgive me if I sound completely disoriented about cause and effect, I am, I can’t tell which is which right now). ‘Beautiful’ is the first. And the second that I must feel blessed. Immediately I am a prisoner and I feel anxious, the ‘anxious’ is disguised as something else but I now recognise it to be just that. From somewhere the line ‘Everything is as it should be’ hummed itself into existence and something new was created. I must now go and meditate.

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