I saw two pigeons fighting this morning, or at least what appeared to be fighting, I am certain the mind of the pigeon is just as mysterious. One of them was furiously slapping at the other with its wing making loud ‘thwack’ sounds. The other was trying to block and save face but at some point gave up and flew onto another ledge. I was beginning to get too involved in all this, and at some point felt a little ashamed of poking my nose in else’s business, so moved away.
Yesterday was an interesting day, my patience was tested and I did not react. The more I grow, the less people intimidate me, people so overwhelmed by their moods and desires and feelings. The more I observe these objects within my own consciousness, the more apparent they become in others. And the more futile seems reaction. In a nutshell, it seems unreasonable to react, I cannot change the other, and any reaction only wastes my own energy. I’d rather conserve it and watch the pigeons fight. Wine, which once created such a tremendous sense of relief within me, no longer does. I enjoy the taste and the warmth but there is no relief in an object, especially one so fleeting. I feel relief only when I meditate and I continue to increase the duration of formal meditation as well as allowing it to percolate into my everyday life. It is relief, not peace, perhaps peace will follow, but right now, it is just a tremendous sense of relief.
(As for my babygirl, she is the sweetest little cub in the whole wide world, she wants to be with me all day, she opens the door to my room a crack and waits there timidly for permission to enter, like everything in this home does not belong to her. She looks up at me with those brown black eyes and my heart simply melts into my toes)