The path to sobriety (for it is seen as a goal rather than a state of being, at least initially) is a twisted one to say the very least. It’s like playing a game without knowing the rules, you take a step forward, several back, start again, think you’ve figured something out only to find out that you hadn’t. Much like life I suppose, but more blatant, visible. For someone like me who questions the very fundamental of being alive, it is even more so (as my pug loudly snores, I have decided to call him Captain Kirk for mysterious reasons (?) ). How does one define a problem, how is my problem worse than yours, is it about now, a few years, the day I die, what is right and what is wrong. I had a long chat with my brother yesterday concerning this, well ‘chat’ is being a bit polite, it was definitely more energetic than that. To the casual observer or one who reads too much, my questions might sound like justifications. They are not. I am genuinely interested in how I came to be, the human mind, the body, the boundary between ‘me’ and ‘not me’, the reality of any of it. Still, I love him. And so after several bad days, I start all over. Cheers!
Afterthought: Having just concluded day 15 with Sam, I remember something. Since the beginning, I have only ever wanted to be an observer. I have a better understanding of what that means now.