Today, after many days, my mind is calm. It is constant work for me to balance my mind, if I stop paying attention, it starts up a cycle, which becomes increasingly difficult to get out of. However I have now begun to recognise the onset of these cycles and although it takes a great effort I am able to sit it down. I have an extremely strong tendency to get pulled into things, something like playing chess for instance, or a song, brings momentary focus, a deep peace when everything else is blotted out, but over a period of time the energy runs out and the cycle sets in and starts to affect everything else.
I find myself unable to sustain longer meditation sessions, I become too relaxed and fall asleep. I am of course incredibly talented at falling asleep, it is a very useful tool in modern life. However I want to understand the Mind and falling asleep is not the best way about it. I will start Sam Harris’ Waking Up meditation from tomorrow. I don’t know much about him. Have only heard a few of his podcasts, but the clarity of his thought is obvious within minutes of listening. And then there is something quite lovely about the sound of his voice. And then there is theory and reason and explanation in his meditation work, I am a scientist, blind faith doesn’t work well with me.